The Hardest Part | Telling Your Children You're Sick

Apart from the actual diagnosis and days thereafer, this past week I had to execute the hardest part in all of this - telling my son I am sick. Up until this last week, he didn't know anything. I experienced so much trauma and abandonment as a child, and one of my greatest priorities as a mother is to do my best to not cause my children the same traumas or similar. I've tried my hardest to shield my son from what this could cause. My youngest is too little to understand what is going on, of course he will know when I am gone a bit more often for treatment, but he doesn't have the consiousness to notice mama isn't at her best.

My four year old, on the other hand, will notice. I prayed for discernment and guidance when talking to him about all of this. How do you tell your child you are sick? There isn't a rule book for this stuff, nor have I ever thought about how to go about doing so - until it happened to us. I enlisted some suggestions from Chatgpt and put together some ideas and discussed with my husband how we would go about telling him. The day after we got to Baltimore, he asked us from the back of the car "why did we come here to Baltimore"?

Later that day, as we sat down at PF Changs for lunch, I knew we had to tell him. I explained to him that like the Jedis in Star Wars, they have to go back to their temple to rest and recover so that they can go back out and fight battles. That mama is like the Jedi, my body is not working the way God made it to work and I need a bit of extra help from doctors to feel my best and get better. I explained to him that I might need to be gone a bit more than usual and that I might be more tired or look a bit different, but that he should know that I am in good hands with very talented doctors who can help heal me. We bought matching stuffies and I explained that when mama is away, he can hug the stuffy and I will feel his hug from my stuffy, that put a smile on his face. We also created a Jedi prayer to recite when he misses mama or feels nervous about the situation. My heart was pounding and my voice shook as I spoke to him. I managed to hold back my tears through the entire conversation. I'll admit that I have never felt so nervous to speak to someone about something in my life. I was terrified to hurt him, to cause him pain or make him feel scared. I am supposed to protect him from those feelings, not cause them. He came to sit on my lap and hugged me so tight. Our food came a few minutes later, and he moved back to his seat but requested I now sit in the seat next to him. Shortly after, I had to excuse myself because I couldn't hold my tears back any longer and didn't want to cry infront of him, but he wanted to come with me to the restroom instead. He didn't leave my side. I held and rocked him in the PF Changs bathroom as he cried on my shoulder and we prayed our Jedi prayer together. We prayed for strength, for peace that surpasses all understanding and for the presence of the Holy Spirit to be with us through this journey.

If i've learned anything from this so far, it's that the Lord has the ability to shape our hearts and our minds in any circumstance. I am a hypocrite if I believe that the Lord can do that for me but that I alone have to be the one to do that for my children. We live in a fallen world, bad things will happen - but the Lord takes those situations and shines His light on us, he asks us to hand over our burdens to Him and so graciously holds them for us. He strengthens our hearts and the Holy Spirit shows up for us in ways we didn't even know we needed and he bring us through stronger. As a mother, it's not my job to shield my boys from everything bad in this world. It is to teach them to lean on the Lord during those difficult experiences that will inevitably happen (whether we like it or not) and to trust in Him and that His plan is beautiful and perfect.

I hope the below tips can help lift some of the heavy weight off of those who aren't quite sure how to navigate telling a child about an illness.

1. Be honest.

   Whether we want children to know what is happening or not, they notice change, they notice a shift and if you aren't honest they will likely come to their own conclusions as to why the change has occured. They may think it was them who caused the shift, that they did something wrong.

2. Don't overshare.

   They don't need to know every little detail, just what is necessary and what they can expect to see as changes.

3. Explain things in a way they can understand.

   Make a story out of it, use superheros or princesses, whatever they are into to explain the concepts in a way they can easily understand.

4. Introduce coping strategies.

   Offer the option to pick out matching stuffies to hug when you are apart, lead them to prayer in times of nervousness or when they are missing you.

Sincerely,

A Friend.

Written 06/07/2025